The Lady - never a more fitting title

Just watched the film of Aung San Suu Kyi 's life and am just blown away by the story. Briefly knew the outline of the hardships she had faced in her lifetime but to see Michelle Yeoh's excellent film portrayal was incredible. The scene where here husband, Michael, dies on his 53rd birthday from prostate cancer without being allowed to see Aung since his diagnosis is devastating to see because it's a true story. Thoroughly worth watching, a wonderful tribute to a living legend!

New year, new chapter (life hopefully becoming what it should always have been)

So last year's sobbing aspiration to blog more didn't exactly come true, I haven't blogged daily but hey, I'm checking in more regularly (like now) and so it's progress.

Anyway, felt like renewing that "blogging more" fervor today because I feel that it's definitely the time to make some serious resolutions for this amazing and infamous upcoming year - 2012. So much is about to happen this year (the olympics, the end of my foundation training, my gap year) and of course, it's 2012 so I mustn't forget to mention the impending "rapture of the heathens / infidels" ;-)

Apart from the significance of the year itself, just feel like having this time off at the beginning of the year has allowed me to reassess what I hope will be the trajectory of my life (rather than just coasting along allowing it to pass me by, being a passenger and drifting into the mediocrity and cynicism (and physical changes of age) in normal twenty-something adult life. As usual, the first few days of the vacation were wasted just sleeping, being hungover and catching up on TV but having this extra time at the dawn of a new year has allowed a switch to finally click.

Combined with this extra time is without doubt, the single most important discovery in my life (on a par and in collaboration with the advent of the iPhone): Wunderlist - a multiplatform cloud-based (free BTW) app which allows you to manage lists. The number of years I have been writing on random post-its and storing them in boxes / folders which soon became the hoarding of random lists/ideas in iOS's notes programme. Finally, I have a means by which I can at least TRY to achieve my full potential by chronologically (and realisticly) listing the hopes/dreams I have (without bottling them up and becoming disheartened as another year goes by without achieving basics).

I feel it's so significant that these random circumstances have come together at the beginning of this wonderful year, regardless of what it holds, it has allowed me to look at life with more aspiration (like the spirit I used to be before being attenuated/jaded by medical school, adult life and all the lost spirits living the rat race). Who knows, perhaps I'm even on the Edge Of Glory ... whatever the year brings, I'm looking forward to it!

Monday morning again

What a shitty Monday morning. Have never driven in such thick fog! That said, there is that little boy in me that does love a bit of a challenge. Really took me back to the days of playing off-road driving games because visibility was so close-range that the cars literally did disappear under a curtain of fog. All you could see as you came close to the next car was the faint fog lights, still get a little excited by the mysticalness of it all ;-)

Been called it so many times in the past but I guess it's times like this that I actually do feel like little curly-haired character that Tom Hanks played in Big. Love that movie ;-)

10 years

So, it's been a long time since I have made an entry and I just feel I have to document something today about how I am feeling. Going to try and stop thinking about this is as a blog and more of a web diary / scrapbook and hopefully that way, I feel more ready to make more entries.

Anyway, so I just saw the film "Up" and I had heard all the hype about it but I just was not expecting it to take me to the emotional space that it did. So those people that have seen it already know it's about an old man who gets married to his first love and constantly dreams of exploring South America with his kindred spirit. In something like a 1 minute sequence, we see them get married / find out they are infertile and grow old together. Sadly, the wife dies and the old man is left on his own. A lot of stuff happens in between but ultimately, he ends up where they always dreamt of in South America and looks back at the unfinished scrapbook she created when they were children. In it, she has been slowly documenting their simple moments of joy as during their life together and it ends on the last page with a message how "they have had an amazing adventure and now he should have his own new adventure". The film continues but to me, that was the one of the moist poignant cinematic moments of my entire life.

Just got me thinking of a cascade of memories, hopes and regrets about how certain parts have life have played out (not that I would change them or that there is anything I could have done to prevent them, but nevertheless, regrets). Anyway, haven't cried in ages and just found myself drenched in tears (and still haven't quite quelled the flood!). Tried to walk it off around the house but ended up going to my parents room and just the thought of their mortality causes such a deep emotional gutteral pain inside that the tears just started gushing out uncontrollably. Was sitting there by their bed and the thought of one of them not being here honestly makes me feel suicidal. I'm sure they have absolutely no idea that I love them so much because I regularly don't really treat them half as good as they deserve. I guess that's because I have been carrying a lot of deep-seated childhood issues (that they are responsible for) and don't ever let the thought that I would run out of time cross my mind.

Anyway, had to get out of there and went down the staircase into the hallway which are just plastered with family photos of them looking so proud and happy: graduation shots, backgarden shots, just moments capturing happiness and most importantly, snapshots of them in their younger days. Had a headache all day but the tears just made it worse so I went to the medicine cabinet in the kitchen for some paracetamol and opened it to see just a plethora of medication boxes. The thing that kills me is that only a few years ago, this very cabinet was full of maybe 2-3 drugs max. but seeing all those other boxes just made me face up to the fact that they are aging, and no matter how much I suppress the thought, they won't be here forever.

Don't think I can write much more in this state, going to have to go and get a drink but ultimately, I think the reason why i had to write something is to archive this moment so that I remember to make a big deal out of them, appreciate them, hug them more, eat with them more, go on holidays with them, make them happy and give them back at least one millionth of what they have given me.

On a more physical level, I think I have to got to realise that they are just pensioners now and I have to help them more and pay back some of the huge amounts of money they have spent and lent me. Can't actually believe this, but it's mum's 70th next year, her 70th, hearing it just doesn't sound real. Again, starting to pour a bit again because it just makes me think of some of my GP patients and general life expectancy. Don't ever want ever hazard a guess as to how many more years I will be fortunate to have them around (not only physically but with the mental sharpness that they have) but for arguments sake, let's say 80 - that gives me hopefully 10 years to show them how much they mean to me and bring them the happiness that they have sacrificed so much for. But anyway, I'll close by saying that for the 70th, I have to do something so special and massive because ultimately, she deserves the world. They both do.

The Evolutionists VS. The Creationists

I just finished watching the third and final instalment of Professor Richard Dawkins' documentary series "The Genius of Charles Darwin" and I feel what I can only describe as "fortified".

Let me elaborate - since my teenage years or to be more accurate, since I began learning about science in secondary school, I have always been an atheist but have never really considered the implications of this within the grand scheme of other religions. It's pretty late right now so I'll write more and add pictures later but for now, all I want to say is that I feel really happy because a lot of questions (that I didn't even know were there) have been answered. I wish there were more people out there like Professor Dawkins (perhaps a bit less militant, but the same in every other way).

My first blog article - it's been a long time coming but I've finally got around to starting it!

I've been faffing around for ages trying to think of how to start this blog but I just thought fuck it you know, just start writing and stop trying to wait for "an auspicious occasion" as my dear parents would say.So basically, the premise for this blog is just stuff that gets my mind ticking in the daily grind that is life.

A foreword about this blog, I may not be particularly articulate (or more heinous than that, accurate even) at times but as this blog develops and time passes, I aspire to write about my thoughts and feelings with greater clarity and coherence.

While I’m making my prologue, I might as well add in my apologies in advance for the sheer geekiness and verbosity of some of the content that you may read here. I am unashamedly one of the geekiness people walking on the thin crust that comprises the surface of this quaint little planet but that’s me I’m afraid, it’s geek chic and I’m proud of it. Happy reading!